I attended a get together yesterday at my friend Linda’s place. She’s working on a book about motherhood and identity. It was a great gathering of moms sharing ideas about how identities change when you have kids. There were full-time working moms, part-time working moms, stay-at-home moms, moms transitioning from one thing to another and moms with all different ages of kids and types of work and ambitions.

Linda’s book is intended for the Christian market, which I have nothing against but I probably would never buy a book written for this market. Why? Because I associate it with right-wing Republicanism, which I also now associate with a war on women.

Which got me to thinking about the metaphor of a war. And, of course, I was also already thinking about motherhood and identity. I have two college students as babysitters. They’re from Scandinavian countries so I often benefit from their interesting perspectives on women, motherhood and families. I remember when I started back to work (just a small assignment) weeks after my son was born. My babysitter was sort of freaked out. Of course, I explained that such is the life of the self-employed in the U.S.! Then when she saw a whole gaggle of new moms taking part in Stroller Strides in our neighborhood, she was really floored. “I can’t believe they’re out there exercising like that so soon after having a baby! They’re like Wonder Women!” The babies were all at least 6 months old, I’m sure, which does not seem too quick to get back to exercise for most of us. Still, she thought it was too quick. You see, in her country families are well supported. Mothers and babies are given ample time and assistance. It dawned on me that she was pointing out something important: American mothers are hard-core…or, as I’ve come to think of it lately, warriors. Trying to take care of kids and eek out some kind of a profession or engage in any personal pursuits is like waging a never-ending war. We may not be allowed to fight on the frontlines in the military, but we’re certainly doing it daily at home. (And we don’t discriminate based on sex…we welcome dads into the battle. Just ask the many dads who are primary caretakers these days.)

At the get together somebody made a derisive remark about celebrity mamas. Like Angelina Jolie and Madonna and their gaggles of kids. Of course, they have all the money and hired help they could possibly need. But I don’t agree that it’s tragic that they make the whole enterprise seem easy. I see them (plus a bunch of real moms I know who also seem to defy reality) as our Jedi Mama Warriors. Of course, anyone who can have a bunch of kids, look like Madonna does at 50+ and make a video where you’re poking fun at defying women’s roles (at least that’s what I think she’s doing in the video for Gimme All You Luvin’ where she’s a cheerleader and then a breastfeeding mama) simply deserves some credit in my book. But the bottom line is that we shouldn’t turn on each other. We’re all waging the same war. Fight on, fight on, all you different mama warriors.